INTRO

While driving in my motor car, just the other day,
I sped along the open road, out Oklahoma way.
Some billboard signs came into view, in yellow, black and red.
I passed beside them quite, quite close, and this is what they said:

VERSE

See eight hundred and twenty-one snakes alive!
See the bees make honey in a glass bee hive
At Uncle Watt’s Original Fantascinatin’ Roadside Stand!
See our Reptile Garden!  You’ll catch your breath
When you see the Gila monster in the Den of Death
At Uncle Watt’s Original Fantascinatin’ Roadside Stand!

See the mysterious underground caves
Where Billy the Kid hid runaway slaves
And the twenty-five-foot-tall concrete cowboy man!
Don’t miss the Indian Chief, the mummified horse thief,
And the Battle of New Orleans in bas relief,
At Uncle Watt’s Original Fantascinatin’ Roadside Stand!
 

BRIDGE (in counterpoint)

Sna-akes A-live!

Indian moccasins!  Cowboy boots!
Tomahawks!  Tom-toms!  Cowboy Suits!

Worth waiting for!

Stuffed alligators and rattlesnake rattles!
Bedspreads!  Maps of major Civil War battles!

Clean family fun!

Last Supper tapestry glows in the dark!
With the Apostles Peter, Paul, John and Mark!

Ju-ust a-head!

Praying hands and Texas longhorn horns!

Money back if you’re misled!

We’ve got those

VERSE
 

Mexican serapes and big, paper poppies
And petrified, prehistoric dinosaur droppings
And some radioactive New Mexico white sand.
Buy a fiberglass burro for your yard!
Send the folks a big, full-color picture postcard

Of Uncle Watt’s Original Fantascinatin’ Roadside Stand!

Get your genuine, hand-painted souvenir plates
From every state – get all forty-eight – 
And abalone shells from the bottom of the deep, blue sea!
Get your genuine, hand-tooled leather handbags,
Your good luck charms and Confederate flags!
Fill your tank and Uncle Watt’ll ice your jugs for free!

BRIDGE (in counterpoint)

Get right with God!

See the tarantula fight the coyote!
Watch the old Indian smoking peyote!

Eternity’s nigh!

Uncle Watt’ll take your family’s photograph
With the giant armadillo or the two-headed calf!

Je-e-sus Saves!
Try our dandy cactus candy

And the spittoon used by Ma-hat-ma Gandhi!

Impeach Earl Warren!

Pecan pralines!  Sweet-smoked country hams!

Prepare to meet your maker!

See the

VERSE
 

Rare iguana from old Tijuana and the red and white striped South American piranha!
Take the kiddies to the petting zoo and feed the buffalo by hand!
See the Ninth Natural Wonder of the World today!
See the oldest camel in the USA
At Uncle Watt’s Original Fantascinatin’ Roadside Stand!

CODA

Oh, you can talk about your Paris, talk about Japan,
Your Taj Mahal and Alexander’s Ragtime Band,
But you ain’t seen nothin’ ‘til you’ve seen Uncle Watt’s –
Not the first, but the second on the roadside –